In this series we bring to you first person accounts from people who have been able to successfully navigate through the process of getting a divorce. **Names have been changed to protect privacy. If you or a loved one is going through the process, reach out to us, we offer counselling that is aimed at proving support and easing this process to help you transition into the next phase of your life.
Mine is not a story that tells of the horrors of divorce or the painful breaking down of a marriage. My husband and I met as colleagues when we were both in our late twenties and we got married a year after getting to know each other. We were compatible in every socially acceptable way – similar backgrounds, similar education and similar goals in life.
Things went well for the next six years, life at home was peaceful and we were both progressing well professionally. Some call it the seven-year-itch, I just think somewhere along the line we stopped being compatible. Whereas before we had similar interest and liked spending time doing different things, now we found ourselves wanting to be apart most of the time. The fights and the arguments we few and far between, we just had nothing to say to each other anymore.
It wasn’t long before the word “divorce” was brought up. Like everything else in our relationship this too was a practical, thought out discussion. Maybe we’d be better off if we weren’t legally tied to each other. Our biggest challenge was to break this to our families and friends, because we had no answer to the question “What went wrong?”.We were also told that we would not be able to get a divorce because there was no grounds for divorce in our case. Many of our friends who had themselves been through the process had nothing but horror stories to tell, they even told us it was better to be in and “open-marriage” rather than trying to get a divorce in India. This was not something either of us wanted to do.
We both decided that we would do this equitably and mutually. Multiple google searches led us to– it was their patient legal advisor that introduced us to the concept of a “No Fault Divorce”. With the rapidly changing social fabric in the country the courts now accepted that there need not always be sordid or contentious reasons to support the fact that two people did not want to be married any more. With her support we have proceeded to file for divorce in the courts and await our hearing.
What I (and my husband) have learnt is that while society – family friends or colleagues might invalidate your feelings or life choices you should not let that keep you in a marriage that no longer works. It is better to separate on mutual terms rather than keep the relationship going, waiting for something untoward to happen. A simple peaceful dissolution of marriage is a far preferable option to a lengthy contested one. In those cases often one or both parties tend to get resentful and use the proceedings as a way to get revenge on transgressions imagined or other wise. I would truly tell people that they need to get sound legal counselling from a divorce expert and change their life for the better.