In this series we bring to you first person accounts from people who have been able to successfully navigate through the process of getting a divorce. **Names have been changed to protect privacy. If you or a loved one is going through the process, reach out to us, we offer counselling that is aimed at proving support and easing this process to help you transition into the next phase of your life.
I was raised in a small urban village about 150 kms from Delhi. Despite the proximity to the bustling capital, I grew up in an environment steeped in conservative values; there are stark differences in perceptions of way that our society has changed. While there is awareness of many things like feminism, divorces and homosexuality — acceptance is still a long way off.
I was 23 yr old fresh college graduate of when my parents introduced me to my to-be husband. The family lived in a posh area of Delhi, they belonged to the same caste as my family, had been running a successful business for three generations, in short it was deemed a perfect match. We were not allowed to meet more than a couple of times, however we started keeping in constant touch over calls and texts. On the outset he seemed like a nice, respectful man who was eager to get married. He kept talking about how he wanted to play a larger role in the family business — something that his father was only going to allow once he was “settled”. This should have been a red flag, but I never thought of it as one. We were married within 3 months of meeting each other.
While naive, I certainly wasn’t stupid – I knew what to expect from the marriage in terms of physical intimacy. Almost immediately after the wedding I knew something was a miss. He never initiated sex himself and all most of my sexual advances were rebuffed. He started going out more and more, spending most nights out. This situation wasn’t something I could fully discuss with my family or even with my siblings, even when I did I was asked to “adjust” and get used to it. My concerns were brushed off as being insignificant or frivolous.
After year of married life, our physical relationship had completely come to a standstill. Things came to a head, when both sets of parents started pressuring us to have children. I confronted him when I was being constantly asked to undergo medical examinations. My marriage crumbled when finally confessed to me that he was homosexual, and that he had known about this from the time he was a teenager. He couldn’t even come out to his parents for fear of ridicule, furthermore they would certainly disown him. He wanted us to continue our marriage because even now he did not want to confront his true self.
It took a long time for me to figure out my next steps – one thing was certain I knew I didn’t want to stay married to him anymore. I had always wanted children and a family and that wasn’t possible any more. I found very little support from the people around me, but I did find a lot of help in online groups and platforms. It was ono one of these forums that I was referred to getmeadivorce.com. After evaluating my options with their legal expert I was able to gather the strength to ask my husband for a mutual consent divorce. I didn’t want to threaten him but I told him that if he didn’t agree I would have no option but to tell the whole truth to our respective families.
We started the process about 2 months ago and are still in the initial stages of the divorce. Our families still don’t understand why we are separating, mine in particular is providing me with very little support mental, physical or financial. My strength and support has come from the large number of men and women in situations almost identical to mine. They have shown me that it is not my fault and that I need to get this behind me have a real chance at happiness, a family and a better future. It’s been difficult but knowing that reliable legal advice is completely accessible has made things simpler.
If you or a loved one is in a similar situation get in touch with us. At getmeadivorce.com, we’re here to guide you every step of the way in case you decide to separate or divorce your spouse. Connect with us and get clarity on how you can take things forward. We’re here for you.